FIREBORN

AT HOME IN FLAME

Welcome to my writing page. 
I hope to spotlight some of the wonderful authors & sites I have come to appreciate here. 
I hope you will visit them and peruse their collections of great advice and information. 

All articles have been printed with authors' approval.
If you have a site that includes helpful info for writers, submit an article here
and I'll include your web link too. 

 

*   Articles  *

 

*1) CREATING: YOUR NOVEL'S FIRST PARAGRAPH by Randy Ingermanson

 2) CHARACTER CHART by  Charlotte Dillon

 3)  HOW TO SPICE UP YOUR WRITING WITH DIALOGUE  
                                               by Judy Cullins

 4)  THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MIDDLE GRADE &
         YOUNG ADULT by Laura Backes, Children's  Book Insider

 5)  GRAB YOUR READER WITH CONFLICT   by Lea Schizas

 6)  WRITING FIGHT SCENES  by  Randy Ingermanson

 7)  COMMON  WRITING  MISTAKES    by  Michael LaRocca

 8)  HOW TO ACHIEVE SUCCESS AS A SCREENWRITER 
                                                by Brian Konradt 

 9)  I'VE WRITTEN AN ARTICLE...NOW WHAT DO I DO? 
                                                by Livvie Matthews

10)  PASSIVE VOICE HANDOUT by University of North Carolina 
                                                                             at Chapel Hill

 

Creating Your Novel's First Paragraph

A few weeks ago, readers on my Advanced Fiction Writing Blog suggested that I critique the first chapters of their novels.

I thought that sounded like fun, so I invited them to post a first paragraph. More than 80 of them did, and I began critiquing one or two of them every day.

If you want to read some of those first paragraphs and the critiques that I made, check out this blog entry and those that follow:
http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/blog/2008/04/15/submit-your-first-paragraph-now/

It turned out to be more than just fun. In critiquing them, I was forced to think hard about what works and what doesn't in a first paragraph.

Now let's be clear on one thing: There aren't any rules in a first paragraph. For just about every rule you can invent, I can find an outstanding opening paragraph in a published novel that violates your rule.

So there aren't any rules except one -- your first paragraph needs to compel the reader to read the next paragraph.

What makes a compelling first paragraph? Here is the one principle that came up again and again:


Principle #1: Bring your lead character for the scene on stage in action and in character.

A number of the paragraphs that I critiqued began with a description of the setting. That worked fine in nineteenth-century fiction, when readers were more tolerant of a page of description to set the stage.

The only problem is that those tolerant and patient nineteenth-century readers are all very tragically ... dead.

Their pesky great-grandchildren are impatient devils who get bored by description.

The modern reader generally wants to meet your lead character NOW. In action and in character.

What do I mean by "in action?" I mean that the character needs to be doing something.

Far too many of the first paragraphs I read began with the lead character enmeshed in backstory -- some long explanation of who the character is and how he got there.

That's all very interesting, eventually. Great writers invariably create detailed backstories for their best characters. If you are going to write good fiction, you need to know your characters' life histories.

But you don't need to lay it all on the reader in the first paragraph. For that matter, the reader almost certainly doesn't need to know any backstory on the first page. Probably, the reader doesn't need much backstory at all in the first chapter.

Have you ever met somebody and in the first two minutes, they were launched on a long explanation of their life stories? Was it interesting? Did you care?

You have. It wasn't. You didn't.

The brutal fact is that you don't care about Scarlett's life history until you know Scarlett. Once you know Scarlett, then you MAY be interested in hearing about her backstory. (Or you may just want to jab her in the eyes.) But you don't know until you've spent a little time with Scarlett -- right now, in the present tense.

So bring your character on in action. But bring her on in character, also.

What do I mean by "in character?"

I mean that in that critical first paragraph, you need to show us something essential about your character.

If your lead character is a dull accountant who spends her evenings alphabetizing her coupons, then it's misleading and unfair to the reader to bring her onstage in the middle of a helicopter chase. Or flirting with her married boss. Or breaking up an attempted mugging.

So what do you do with that accountant? Well, that's up to you, but if you're writing a novel about her, there must be something interesting about her. Normally, that "something" is tied in to what she wants.

Everybody wants something. Being perverse, most people want something that they can't have.

Once you know what your lead character wants and can't have, you have a story. The purpose of your first chapter is to key into that frustrated desire, whatever it is. By the end of the first chapter, your reader should know whether she wants to read this particular book about this particular character with this particular desire and this particular obstacle.

The purpose of your first page is to get the reader to read the whole first chapter. The purpose of the first paragraph is to get the reader to read the first page.

Let's look at a nice example of this in the first Harry Potter book. The first chapter introduces us to the infant Harry Potter, who has somehow survived a murder attempt by the evil Lord Voldemort. Harry is "the Boy Who Lived" and Chapter One ends with an enormous question -- why did Harry live?

It's an extremely successful first chapter. How did J.K. Rowling get us to read that first chapter about this magical child? By introducing us first to Harry's very ordinary Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia and Cousin Dudley, the wretched Dursleys.

By the end of page one, we know that the Dursleys have a terrible secret -- there is something peculiar about Aunt Petunia's sister, who married a man named Potter. We don't know what that secret is, but we care about that secret and want to find out what it is. We care enough that we MUST read the entire first chapter.

So page one is enormously successful also. By what magic did J.K. Rowling get us to read the first page? She did it with a great first paragraph. In that paragraph, we meet the Dursleys in character (although not in action):

"Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. They were the last people you'd expect to be involved in anything strange or mysterious, because they just didn't hold with such nonsense."

Now the Dursleys are as dull a family as you could ever want. Not only are they dull, but they like it that way. Their main desire in life is to remain dull, to avoid anything strange or mysterious.

The reason paragraph one works is that it makes it immediately clear that the Dursleys are NOT going to get their wish. Something strange and mysterious is about to enter their life, and they don't know it yet.

But the reader does. The first paragraph compels the reader to read the rest of the page, which reveals the lurking family secret with the Potter cousins. The first page compels the reader to finish the chapter, which introduces the mystery of "the Boy Who Lived."

As I noted above, the first paragraph brings the Dursleys on in character, but not in action. The entire first page is narrative summary. Is that wrong?

No, because it works. For most writers, it wouldn't work, but for J.K. Rowling, it did. If it works, use it, even if it doesn't perfectly follow Randy's Handy Dandy Rules of Writing. Don't mess with what works.

If your first paragraph works, then run with it. If it doesn't (and you know when it stinks like a dead muskrat), that's when you go back to first principles. And the first principle is, in my opinion, this:

Bring your lead character on stage in character and in action.

Permission is granted to use any of the articles in this e-zine in your own e-zine or web site, as long as you include the following blurb with it: 


Award-winning novelist Randy Ingermanson, "the Snowflake Guy," publishes the Advanced Fiction Writing E-zine, with more than 11,000 readers, every month. If you want to learn the craft and marketing of fiction, AND make your writing more valuable to editors, AND have FUN doing it, visit http://www.AdvancedFictionWriting.com.
 
Download your free Special Report on Tiger Marketing and get a free 5-Day Course in How To Publish a Novel.

Character Chart

 

From: Charlotte Dillon’s Resources for Romance Writers

Helping writers write for over a decade! 

http://www.charlottedillon.com/WritingRomance.html

Some of the Basics First

Full Name --
Meaning of Name --
Nickname --
Birth Date --
Astrological Sign and Details --
Birth Place --
Age --
Race --
Hair Color --
Hair Style --
Shape and Features of Face --
Eye Color --
Skin Tone --
Any Scars or Distinguishing Marks --
Build or Body Type --
Height --
Weight --

Family and Childhood

Mother --
Father --
Parents' Occupations --
Family Finances --
Brothers --
Sisters --
Other Close Family --
Best Friend --
Other Friends --
Pets --
Home Life During Childhood --
Any Sports or Clubs --
Schooling --
Favorite Subject --
Popular or Loner --
Important Experiences or Events --
Health Problems --
Culture --
Religion --

Your Character's Character

Bad Habits --
Strong Points --
Temperament --
Attitude --
Weakness --
Fears --
Secrets --
Regrets --
Feels Vulnerability When --
Pet Peeves --
Conflicts --
Motivation --
Goals and Hopes --
Sexuality --
Exercise Routine  --
Speech --
Tag Words --
Gestures --
Day or Night Person --
Introvert or Extrovert --
Optimist or Pessimist --

Likes and Styles

Music --
Books --
Foods --
Drinks --
Animals --
Sports --
Social Issues --
Color --
Clothing --
Jewelry --
Games --
TV Shows --
Movies --

Where and How Does Your Character Live Now

Home --
Household furnishings --
Favorite Possession --
Neighborhood --
Town or City Name --
Details of Town or City --
Married Before --
Children --
Relationship with Family --
Best Friend --
Other Friends --
Car --
Pets --
Career --
Dream Career --
Dream Life --
Hobbies --
Sports or Clubs --
Talents --
Finances --
Health Problems --
Culture --
Religion --

Your Character's Life Before Your Story
Past Careers --
Past Lovers --
Biggest Mistakes --
Biggest Achievements --



 

A Little Extra Information


a)  If your character could have two whole weeks for vacation and go and do anything he or she wanted, what and where would it be?

b)  If your character had a weakness for one of the seven deadly sins, which one would it be and why?
(pride, greed, lust, envy, gluttony, wrath, sloth)

c)  If your character could bring one person back to life and spend a whole day with him or her, who would it be and why?

d)  If your character won a three-million dollar lottery, what would he or she do with the money?

Copyrighted 1997 by Charlotte Dillon

The chart is copyrighted by me, but you may copy and paste it into Word or another writing program, or print it out, for your own personal use only, in building your characters. That way you can type in needed info, delete sections you don't want to fill in, or even add some more lines.  If you wish to share the chart in a group meeting or newsletter, please include my name and home page link, www.charlottedillon.com. Thanks.


 

How to Spice up Your Writing with Dialogue

by Judy Cullins c. 2007
 

 

Does your chapter sound like a report?

Does it go on and on with past tense sentences that tell, rather than show? 

 

To spice up your self help, non-fiction or fiction book and even promotional writing, you need to use much more dialogue.

 

Why? Because dialogue presents your story through your characters' hearts and minds. A story engages your reader rather than bore him with too much telling. Know that present tense ( I see) writing is far more powerful and readable than past tense ( I saw) and the wicked past perfect (I have seen). Yes, use some past tense narrative to tell, but keep it down. Discover how dialogues will juice up each chapter and hook your readers to keep going.

 

 

If your aim your book at agents and publishers, the first action acquisition editors make is to find a section of dialogue. If it is good, they start reading the rest of your book.

 

It is difficult to put just the right words into dialogue--to convey character and emotion. Avoid props or tricks to be professional. If not, forget it. If you self-publish take heed also, because you want to make your book sell in each chapter.

 

 

 

Tips:

1. Don't explain your dialogue. "You can't be serious, she said in astonishment." This dialogue patronizes the reader. As a bookcoach I call it lazy writing that undermines the reader involvement. You don't want the reader to know the fact; you want her to feel the emotion.

 

So, show how astonished through dialogue or beat. (more on beats later) "She dropped the whisk, spattering meringue up the cupboard door. "You can't be serious" or You've got to be kidding" --two examples of different characters.

Readers learn about them through the dialogue.

When you tell, your characters don't come to life.

 

 

2. Don't explain the content of the dialogue. Stop using -ly verbs such as "I'm afraid it's not going well," he said grimly." This bit explains and is condescending. Grimness can come across by what you say and do--word choice, body language, and context rather than by how you say it. Avoid those telling adverbs that end in -ly. Take out all forms of "suddenly" out of you writing.

 

 

Examples: Percy burst into the zoo keeper's office. Their callous mistreatment was killing the wombats and she wasn't going to stand for it.

 

"Is something wrong, sir?" the zoo keeper said.

 

"Don't you realize you're killing those poor innocent creatures, you heartless fascist? Percy yelled.

 

 

3. Don't repeat unnecessary information.

 

You have heard about show, don't tell and all -ly forms tell.

 

Condescending example: "I'm afraid it's not going very well, "he said grimly. "Keep scrubbing until you're are finished," she said harshly.

 

"I don't know, I can't seem to work up the steam to do anything at all," he said listlessly.

 

 

4. Don't open dialogue with speaker attributions.

Writers use them only to show who is talking when more than three characters are in the scene. Open with the dialogue. Place speaker attribution at the first natural break.

 

Instead of Vera said, "…." Use this: "I don't know, he said, "I've always felt plungers were underrated as kitchen tools.

 

 

5. Use the verb "said" almost without exception. Don't strive for variety like past teachers have suggested. Notice the bad examples ahead, and avoid them.

 

 

"Give it to me," she demanded.

 

"Here it is," he offered.

 

"Is it loaded?" she inquired.

 

"I hate to admit that," he grimaced.

 

"Come closer," she smiled.

 

"So you've changed your mind" he chuckled.

 

 

Choose "said" above all other tags. Professional use "said" because it doesn't draw attention--a kind of comma. Not noticed, so the writing flows along like smooth jazz.

Remember, verbs other than "said" tend to draw attention away from the dialogue. They jump out as mechanics. "Said" is more like a punctuation mark--it is graceful and elegant.

 

 

6. Refer to your character by only one name in each scene. For example, avoid Hubert said, then Mr. Winchell said, then the old man said. Readers may have a tough time figuring it out. You can use different names in later chapters.

 

 

7. Try a beat if you are troubled with saids. For example, "I'd never thought of that before." Roger walked over to the fridge and helped himself to a soda "But I suppose a good coat of shellac really would work just as well, wouldn't it?"

 

Beats are good for more than two persons. They break the monotony of too many saids.

 

 

8. use dashes--, not ellipses...for interruptions. Ellipses (...) indicate a trailing off--to show gaps in dialogue such as with a telephone call.

Know that your writing misses the mark to engage your readers when you only tell them what you know. Instead, incorporate dialogue in each chapter to enliven it. Lively writing engages your reader continuously.

 

 

 

 

Book and Internet Marketing Coach, Judy Cullins, can help you build credibility and clients, sell a lot of books, and make maximum profits. Author of 11 books including Write your eBook or Other Short Book Fast and The Fast and Cheap Way to Explode Targeted Web Traffic" Get her free eBook"20 High Octane Book Writing and Marketing Tips" and two free monthly ezines at http://www.bookcoaching.com

 

                                          http://www.bookcoaching.com/freearticles/index.shtml

 

 

 

Grab Your Reader With Conflict

by Lea Schizas
 
 
 
No, not conflict of interest…not conflict within your being…but conflict found in a story.
 
What exactly is conflict in a story? Simple…a problem/obstacle your main character needs to overcome by the end of the story. Think of it as your engine that drives your car forward. Without one your car remains idle, collecting dust in the driveway. Give your car a super booster engine and you’ll be coasting the streets with no worries. Well, until the police stop you.
 
 
In a story conflict moves your character through various situations he must overcome. This intrigues and pulls your reader deeper into the story, connecting with your character’s predicament. A character needs to have a hurdle tossed at them, makes for an intriguing situation to find out the outcome. Without an outcome, there is no magnetic charge with your reader.
 
 
 
Before writing your story and making up your character profile, ask yourself these questions:
 
1-     What will be the main goal my character will face and need to overcome?
2-     Who will be my target audience?
 
 
 
The second question is important because it will help to focus your words and subject matter to suit the appropriate audience. For stories aimed at children, your focus will need to adapt to a child’s view of the world around them. Most of the time the story is told through the character’s point of view aged a few years older than the intended audience. For example, if you aim your story for the 8 – 10 age group then setting a story for a twelve year old character would be best since kids always like to read and associate with kids a bit older than them.
 
What subject matter can you write about for this age group? Middle grade readers love mysteries, soft spooky tales ( no knife-wielding maniacs, head chopping, blood and core etc, more suspenseful and ‘goose-bumping tales like in the “Goosebumps” books), magical tales (Harry Potter), even teeny bopper stories like “The Babysitters Club” or  “Sweet Valley High”. These latter ones are suitable for the Young Adult market, too.
 
 
 
TYPES OF CONFLICTS:
 
Here are some examples of conflicts in some books:
 
- the almighty tried and successful ‘good against evil’
Think Harry Potter, The Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, Little Red Riding Hood, The Three Little Pigs…yes, these fairy tales were using the ‘good against evil’ method if you sit down and think about it. The wolves in both fairy tales were intent on overcoming their ‘so-they-thought’ weaker counterparts.
 
 
 
 
In the above examples, something stood in the protagonist’s way:
 
Harry tries to defeat Voldemort but problems and other antagonists along the way makes this quest difficult for him.
 
The Lord of the Rings finds Frodo’s quest to destroy the Ring but evil and dark forces stand in his way, too.
 
Luke Skywalker in Star Wars needs to defeat the new order of evil, and he, too, faces many obstacles and characters along the way.
 
 
 
 
In each of these examples, these obstacles (new smaller conflicts against the bigger goal they are after) causes a reader to continue reading to find out if he’ll be successful, how he will outsmart them, and what change will this cause in the main character. Along with these obstacles, throwing in some inner conflicts alongside the outer emotions helps to cast them more as three-dimensional beings, for example:
 
 
Luke Skywalker deals with the knowledge he has a sister somewhere out there. His inner being and emotions help to make him more sympathetic, which eventually bonds the reader to him. The same with Frodo; his world has been thrown for a loop when he takes on the quest of the Ring…along the way he begins to doubt if he, indeed, is the best man for this job. Also, he questions his will power to avoid succumbing to the dark forces once he has tasted the Ring’s power.
 
 
Another example to show you what ‘inner conflict’ means:
 
Let’s assume your book is based on a police officer who mistakenly shoots a young child while pursuing a suspect. It’s dark in the building and the kid jumped out of nowhere with a toy gun. The police officer is suspended while the case is being investigated.
 
 
 
INNER EMOTIONS:
 
How he deals and is dealt by his immediate peers
His struggle to remove the visions of the killing
The emotional turmoil as he waits for the investigation to conclude.
His dealings with the parents of the child he accidentally killed.
 
 
 
Throughout all of these emotions the one factor that will bind your reader to continue will be: How will he fare at the end of this book. The way you first portray this particular character in the beginning will be totally different by the end because of the various upsets he’s had to deal with. Show him as upbeat, nonchalant, no change at the end and you will lose your reader’s interest in the book and in you as an author.
 
Think of real life: if you had to go through a trauma as the officer in the example above, how would it change you? A writer needs to wear his character’s shoes and get inside his head to fully understand him. Write a story with a stick person and you get stale material. Write a story with powerful emotions and you have one interesting read.
 
 
 
THE ALMIGHTY ENDING
 
By the end of your book all inner and outer conflicts need to have reached a conclusion. Whether your character overcame or failed is not as important as making sure he tried to meet them head on. You cannot place a conflict (or foreshadow) without making sure by the end of the story some sort of a resolution was made. This is cheating a reader and they WILL notice, especially if one of those conflicts was the one he’s been hoping to see the outcome to.
 
 
 
 
 
 
Author’s Bio: Lea Schizas is founder and co-founder of two Writer’s Digest Top Writing Sites since 2004 and recipients of several Preditors and Editors awards, The MuseItUp Club and Apollo’s Lyre. She is the author of the Young Adult Fantasy novel “The Rock of Realm” and the upcoming paranormal/thriller “Doorman’s Creek”. She is also the editor and co-author of  “The Muse On Writing” a writer’s reference book, and the fantasy novel “Aleatory’s Junction”.
 
This past October Lea Schizas along with Carolyn Howard-Johnson hosted the first annual Muse Online Writers Conference where over 1300 Attendees and Presenters took part.
 
For more information on Lea Schizas, link here:

http://leaschizaseditor.com


Writing Fight Scenes 

 by Randy Ingermanson 
from his December 2006 Advanced Fiction e-zine.  
     How To Write a Fight Scene -- Part 3
 
In the last two months, we've talked about how to write fight scenes. I showed you the 
world's worst fight scene (written by me, doing my utmost to be wretched). And I showed
you a scene from Michael Crichton's novel TIMELINE and pointed out where it worked and 
where it could have worked better.
 
I'll remind you that there are rules for fight scenes,laid down by me in my role as 
Supreme Dictator For Life.
 
 
Here are the Official Fight Scene Rules
 
a) Show, don't tell
                 b) Make it happen in real-time
 c) Enforce causality
	           d) Show sequence, not simultaneity
				 e) Favor completed verbs over continuing action verbs
	 f) Show the fastest stuff first
	            g) For every action, show a reaction
				h) Use interior monologue and dialogue to set the pace
 
 
 
Let's now look at a fight scene by a master of the craft, Irwin Shaw, 
in his novel RICH MAN, POOR MAN.
It's 1945, and our protagonist, Tommy Jordache is a 15-year-old baby-faced street fighter 
punk. He and his friend Claude have spent their evening in a movie theater baiting a burly 
soldier and his girlfriend.
 
Now, outside the theater, Tommy lures the larger man into a fight by ripping his coat. 
We pick up the action there: 
 
 
 
Nobody gets away with tearing my coat," the soldier said. "I don't care who he is." He swung 
 
with his open hand. Tom moved in and let the blow fall on his left shoulder. "Ow!" he 
 
screamed, putting his right hand to his shoulder and bending over as if he were in terrible pain. 
 
 
 
Randy sez:   Notice how Shaw modulates the pace with his choice of verbs. The fast parts 
of this paragraph are shown with simple past tense verbs -- "swung" and "moved" and 
"screamed".  Then Shaw slows down the action by using those continuing action verbs 
"putting" and "bending". This gives the paragraph the feeling of happening in real time. 
Let's look at the next part of the sequence: 
 
 
 
"Did you see that?" Claude demanded of the spectators. "Did you see that man hit my 
friend?"
 
"Listen, soldier," a gray-haired man in a raincoat said, "you can't beat up a little kid like 
that."
  
"I just gave him a little slap," the soldier turned to the man apologetically. "He's been 
dogging me all..." 
 
   Suddenly Tom straightened up and hitting upward, with his closed fist,struck the soldier,
not too hard, so as not to discourage him, along the side of the jaw.
 
 
 
Randy sez:    The first three paragraphs happen in real time, a nice sequence of actions by 
Claude, the spectator in the raincoat, and the soldier. The fourth paragraph downshifts into 
super slow motion.It takes 29 words to describe one punch to the jaw. 
Shaw is breaking the rules here. What's his game? 
 
Shaw's game is to give us a surreal little moment before the storm. It's the pause of the 
roller-coaster at the top of the tracks, just before the crazy descent. It's like the slow-motion 
clips in the old Kung Fu TV series. That's his game. 
 
And it works. Because up till now, we weren't sure how well Tommy can fight. Now we see 
that he's a dangerous little snake. Tommy is in that mystical zone, where he sees the other guy 
moving like a glacier, where defeat is unthinkable
 
 
Let's watch the fight pick up to normal speed again:
 
 
 
   There was no holding the soldier back now. "Okay, kid, you asked for it. "He began to 
move in on Tom.
 
   Tom retreated and the crowd pushed back behind him.
  
   "Give them room," Claude called professionally. "Give the men room."
 
   "Sidney," the girl called shrilly, "you'll kill him."
 
   "Nah," the soldier said, "I'll just slap him around a little. Teach him a lesson."
 
 
Randy sez:    The pace has come back to normal speed by bringing in some dialogue. It's 
a fairly brisk pace even so. We've got short paragraphs, verbs in simple past tense. A couple 
of adverbs have weaseled their way in. Now watch as Shaw accelerates the pace up to 
lightspeed and then back down to normal again:
 
 
 
Tom snaked in and hit the soldier with a short left hook to the head and went in deep to the 
 
belly with his right. The soldier let the air out of his lungs with a large, dry sound, 
 
as Tom danced back.
 
 
 
Randy sez:   Notice the action-reaction here, with everything in sequence. Tom hits twice,
then the soldier reacts, then Tom dances back. It happens almost in a blink, and then the pace 
slows again while the two fighters size each other up. Shaw works in a couple of beats from 
the anonymous onlookers:
 
 
   "It's disgusting," a woman said. "A big oaf like that. Somebody ought to stop it."
 
   "It's all right," her husband said. "He said he'd only slap him a couple of times."
 
 
Randy sez:    A little irony here. The bystanders haven't figured out what we already know 
-- that Tom is completely in control of this fight. Now the action picks up again, but it's still 
in strict sequence, with the soldier swinging, then Tom, then the soldier reacting, 
then Tom hitting again,and then the action slows.
 
 
 
 The soldier swung a slow, heavy right hand at Tom. Tom ducked under it and dug both his 
 
fists into the soldier's soft middle. The soldier bent almost double in pain and Tom hooked both 
 
hands to the face.  The soldier began to spurt blood and he waved his hands feebly in front of 
 
him and tried to clinch.  
 
 
Contemptuously, Tom let the soldier grapple him, but kept his right hand free and clubbed at 
 
the soldier's kidneys. The soldier slowly went down to one knee. He looked up blearily at Tom 
 
through  the blood that was flowing from his cut forehead. The crowd was silent. Tom stepped 
 
back.  He wasn't even breathing hard. There was a little glow under the light, 
 
blond fuzz on his cheeks.
 
If you like fight scenes, this was a beauty. But it's not just mindless action. This scene gets us 
inside the skin of Tom and shows us his character. He's a vicious, animalistic punk,he's got
fightng in his blood. And we LIKE him. More correctly,we identify with him. Even if 
we've never thrown a punch ourselves, we feel like we've just beaten up a bigger guy. 
You have to like Tommy, even if you don't like what he does. 
 
Randy sez:   Shaw has controlled the pace of this scene throughout, speeding up the action 
and then slowing it down exactly the way a real fight would happen. And you can see it all.
Shaw has followed the rules, mostly, and violated them where it made sense 
                                   -- to achieve an effect.  Clever guy, Irwin Shaw.			
  
Award-winning novelist Randy Ingermanson, "the Snowflake Guy," publishes the Advanced 
Fiction Writing E-zine, with more than 8000 readers, every month.  If you want to learn the craft 
and marketing of fiction, AND make your writing more valuable to editors, 
AND have FUN doing it, visit http://www.AdvancedFictionWriting.com. 
Download your free Special Report on Tiger Marketing and  get a free 5-Day Course in How To Publish a Novel.
*
To find and read the other two parts of this article,and view back issues of his e-zine,go to
http://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/ezine/
*
He also has a Ph.D in physics from U.C. Berkley, has written six novels,one non-fiction, and
currently claims a readership of 8000 registered members to his free monthly e-zine.   

Common Writing Mistakes

 by Michael LaRocca
     Copyright 2005

 

      I started editing novels in 2001. Looking back at my experiences, I feel like sharing the most common mistakes I've seen. If you'll go through your manuscript and fix these before you submit it to a publisher, your odds of publication will increase dramatically.


Most books aren't rejected because the stories are "bad." They're rejected because they're not "ready to read." In short, minor stuff like typos, grammar, spelling, etc.

      I don't mean places where we, as authors, deliberately break the rules. Those are fine. That's part of our job. Language always changes with use, and we can help it on its way. No, I'm referring to places where someone just plain didn't learn the rule or got confused or overlooked it during the self-edits.

      I started editing novels in 2001. Looking back at my experiences, I feel like sharing the most common mistakes I've seen. If you'll go through your manuscript and fix these before you submit it to a publisher, your odds of publication will increase dramatically.

      Once you've found a publisher who publishes what you write, you want to present yourself in the best way possible. Submitting an unedited manuscript is a bit like going to a job interview wearing a purple Mohawk, no shoes, torn jeans, and a dirty T-shirt. Your resume may be perfect, and your qualifications impeccable, but something tells me you won't get the job.

       The publisher is investing a lot in every book it accepts. E-publishers tend to invest loads of time, and print publishers tend to invest an advertising budget and the cost of carrying an inventory. Why ask them to invest hours and days of editing time as well? If the publisher gets two or three or ten nearly identical books, you want yours to be the one requiring the least editing.

       The first thing you need to do, and I hope you've already done it, is use the spelling and grammar checkers in your word processor. This will catch many of the "common mistakes" on my list. But I've been asked to edit many books where the author obviously didn't do this, and I confess that I may well have been lazy and let a couple of mine get to my editors unchecked. Bad Michael!

 

                Here's a list of the mistakes I see most often.

* Dialogue where everyone speaks in perfect English and never violates any of the bullet points below. Okay, I made that up. That's not really a common problem at all. But I have seen it, and it's a terrible thing.

* It's is a contraction for "it is" and its is possessive.

* Who's is a contraction for "who is" and whose is possessive.

* You're is a contraction for "you are" and your is possessive.

* They're is a contraction for "they are," there is a place, their is possessive.

* There's is a contraction for "there is" and theirs is possessive.

* If you've been paying attention to the above examples, you've noticed that possessive pronouns never use apostrophes. Its, whose, your, yours, their, theirs...

* Let's is a contraction for "let us."

* When making a word plural by adding an s, don't use an apostrophe.
(The cats are asleep.)

* When making a word possessive by adding an s, use an apostrophe.
(The cat's bowl is empty.)

* A bath is a noun, what you take. Bathe is a verb, the action you do when taking or giving a bath.

* A breath is a noun, what you take. Breathe is a verb, the action you do when taking a breath.

* You wear clothes. When you put them on, you clothe yourself. They are made of cloth.

* Whenever you read a sentence with the word "that," ask yourself if you can delete that word and still achieve clarity. If so, kill it. The same can be said of all sentences. If you can delete a word without changing the meaning or sacrificing clarity, do it.  

"And then" is a phrase worth using your word processor's search feature to look for.

* Keep an eye on verb tenses. "He pulled the pin and throws the grenade" is not a good sentence.

* Keep an eye on making everything agree regarding singular and plural. "My cat and my wife is sleeping," "My cat sleep on the sofa," and "My wife is a beautiful women" are not good sentences.

(I exaggerate in these examples, but you know what I mean.)

* I and me, he and him, etc. I hope no editor is rejecting any novels for this one, because I suspect that most people get confused at times. In dialogue, do whatever the heck you want because it sounds more "natural." But for the sake of your narrative, I'll try to explain the rule and the cheat. The rule involves knowing whether your pronoun is the subject or object. When Jim Morrison of The Doors sings, "til the stars fall from the sky for you and I," he's making a good rhyme but he's using bad grammar. According to the rule, "you and I" is the object of the preposition "for," thus it should be "for you and me." The cheat involves pretending "you and" isn't there, and just instinctively knowing "for I" just doesn't sound right.

(I think only native English speakers can use my cheat. For the record, I have great admiration for authors writing in languages that aren't their native tongues.)

* Should of, would of, could of. This one can make me throw things. It's wrong! What you mean is should have, would have, could have. Or maybe you mean the contractions. Should've, would've, could've. And maybe 've sounds a bit like of. But it's not!
Of is not a verb. Not now, not ever.

* More, shorter sentences are better. Always. Don't ask a single sentence to do too much work or advance the action too much, because then you've got lots of words scattered about like "that" and "however" and "because" and "or" and "as" and "and" and "while,"  much like this rather pathetic excuse for a sentence right here.

* On a similar (exaggerated) note: "He laughed a wicked laugh as he kicked Ralphie in the face while he aimed the gun at Lerod and pulled the trigger and then laughed maniacally as Lerod twisted in agony because of the bullet that burned through his face and splattered his brains against the wall and made the wall look like an  overcooked lasagna or an abstract painting." 
Now tell me this sentence isn't trying to do too much.

* Too means also, two is a number, to is a preposition.

* He said/she said. Use those only when necessary to establish who's speaking. They distract the reader, pulling him out of the story and saying, "Hey look, you're reading a book." Ideally, within the context of the dialogue, we know who's talking just by the style or the ideas. When a new speaker arrives on the scene, identify him or her immediately. Beyond that, keep it to a minimum.
Oh yeah, and give every speaker his/her own paragraph.

* Billy-Bob smiled his most winning smile and said, "What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?" I don't like this. Use two shorter sentences in the same paragraph. Billy-Bob smiled his most winning smile. "What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?" Same effect, fewer words, no dialogue tag (he said).

* In the previous example, I don't like "smiled his most winning smile," because it's redundant and also clichéd. Please, if you find yourself writing something like that, try to find a better way to express it before you just give up and leave it like it is. During the self-edit, I mean, not during the initial writing.

* "The glow-in-the-dark poster of Jesus glowed in the dark." This editor won't let that one go. Much too redundant, and it appeared in a published novel.

* Lie is what you do when you lie down on the bed, lay is what you do to another object that you lay on the table. Just to confuse matters, the past tense of lie is lay. Whenever I hit a lay/lie word in reading, I stop and think. Do that when you self-edit.

(Note: Don't fix this one in dialogue unless your character is quite well-educated, because most people say it wrong. I do.)

* Beware of the dangling modifier. "Rushing into the room, the exploding bombs dropped seven of the soldiers." Wait a minute! The bombs didn't rush into the room. The soldiers did. To get all technical about it, the first part is the "dependent clause," and it must have the same subject as the "independent clause" which follows. Otherwise it's amateur, distracting, and a real pain for your poor overworked editor.

* If you are able (many readers are not), keep an eye out for missing periods, weird commas, closing quotes, opening quotes, etc. When I read a book, be it an ebook or a printed book, I can't help but spot every single one that's missing. They slap me upside the head, which makes me a great editor but a lousy reader. If you're like me, use that to your advantage. If not, that's what editors are for!

 

 Michael LaRocca's website at http://www.chinarice.org was chosen by WRITER'S DIGEST as one of The 101 Best Websites For Writers in 2001 and 2002. His response was to throw it out and start over again because he's insane. He teaches Advanced English Writing at a university in Hangzhou,Zhejiang Province, China,
and publishes the free weekly newsletter WHO MOVED MY RICE?

 

How to Achieve Success as a Screenwriter

by Brian Konradt
June 2006
E-mail:bskcom2001@yahoo.com

 

 

Screenwriting is a competitive trade. To distinguish yourself as a prize-winning writer you need to master organizational skills, take creative risks, and learn how best to present your final product. For the aspiring screenwriter, Tom Lazarus' book, "Secrets of Film Writing" is one of the best. An exceptional screenwriter with five produced screenplays, Lazarus developed this book for beginning writers enrolled in his classes at UCLA.

This article examines a few of the many techniques outlined in "Secrets of Film Writing" and provides examples of screenwriters who succeeded with Tom Lazarus' guidelines.


ORGANIZATION IS KEY


Master organization and you're closer to producing a stellar screenplay, not a mediocre one. Ask yourself these questions:

1) Does the screenplay have a clear beginning, middle and end?

2) Does the story drift aimlessly or does it make its point successfully?


These may seem like basic questions, yet many screenwriters grapple with organizational problems.

      Lazarus addresses this issue in his book; he recommends writers use one of four organizational methods to ensure their screenplays flow smoothly: outlines, treatments, index cards, and scene lists. All four of these tools are equally effective. Writers need to be discreet to decide which organizational crutch best suits their needs.

      In writing the screenplay for the Hollywood feature film "Stigmata," Lazarus chose to use a scene list for organizational support since he already had specific ideas about the chronology and action details of his story. To writers who have difficult organizing and prefer a different method, Lazarus says, "Go for it, because no one is going to see it. It's a process. There is no wrong way."


MAKE IT INTERESTING

      Writing is a process. Great screenwriters take creative risks. Without an interesting story, even the most organized screenplay will be unmarketable. The goal should never be to copy another writer's style; instead exercise your own imagination and experiment with different ways to spark your story.

      When Warner Brothers hired Tim McCanlies to adapt Ted Hughes' famous English novel "The Iron Man" for the screen, he struggled with whether he should remain true to Hughes' vision or develop a new story based loosely on the original book's events. 

 

            McCanlies chose to do something risky and wildly creative; he Americanized "The Iron Man" by setting the story in the 1950s during the Cold War terror and renamed it "The Iron Giant." His calculated risk proved worthwhile. American audiences related to the film and appreciated its examination of an unusual time in their nation's history. Also, English audiences embraced "The Iron Giant" despite its variation from the original English text and awarded it the 2000 BAFTA Award for best feature film.

      McCanlies' success lends a valuable lesson: when you risk nothing, you gain nothing. McCanlies, Lazarus, and other successful screenwriters embroil themselves in chances, write creatively, experiment with different ideas, and raise their characters' stakes.


 

SUBMIT YOUR SCRIPT LIKE A PRO

 

      Once you have written an interesting, well-organized screenplay you need to submit your script neatly and according to studio standards. Lazarus warns his UCLA students about several technical errors in script presentation that annoy studio readers.

Follow these guidelines:

1) A feature length screenplay should be longer than 95 pages and shorter than 125 pages when you submit it for studio consideration.

2) Don't include a synopsis or character biographies with your script as it gives studio readers an excuse not to review the whole screenplay.

3) Don't put scene numbers on your script until it is sold. This is a rule of the game; readers find scene numbers distracting and use them as an excuse to dub a screenplay "amateur" and unworthy of further consideration.

4) Studio readers prefer to receive scripts bound with circular metal brads. Using folders and binders hog office space and interns may discard scripts unintentionally during spring cleaning.

5) Finally, use one of the many screenwriting programs to help format your script, such as Movie Magic Screenwriter, Final Draft or Script Wizard. You can find discounted deals at StoryScribe.com (http://www.StoryScribe.com). 


      Make sure you proofread your script several times before submitting a script for Hollywood review. Busy studio readers will not peruse screenplays riddled with basic errors like confusing "it's" with "its" and using "are" when you mean "our." Use a program like Style Writer (found at http://www.StyleWriter-USA.com) to remedy such embarrassing grammar mistakes. When you're ready to submit your script, grab a Hollywood Creative Directory

(found at http://www.storyscribe.com/mgbooks.html) to find markets for your script.


THINK SUCCESS AND BE A SUCCESS

      Remember to take risks with plot and character development, and follow studio standards for script submissions. Studying resources like "Secrets of Film Writing" by Tom Lazarus, "How Not to Write a Screenplay" by Denny Martin Flinn, "Crafty Screenwriting" by Alex Epstein, and "Alternative Scriptwriting" by Ken Dancyger and Jeff Rush can be helpful for aspiring writers. Developing strong writing skills takes time, a willingness to learn, and perseverance. Writers who constantly improve their skills and experiment with new ideas will succeed.

 

Brian Konradt is a freelance writer and founder of CyberScreenwriter.com (http://www.cyberscreenwriter.com), a free web site to help screenwriters hone their screenwriting and filmmaking skills. 

 

I've Written An Article...Now What Do I Do?

Copyright Livvie Matthews

Please feel free to publish this article on your website and/or in your e-book or newsletters with the authors resource box included and without any changes to the article. If you have any questions, please contact me mailto:livvie@writebusiness.net. Thanks! Livvie
Word Count 622 Article Body

You've finally done it! You've written your article, looked it over, tweaked it ....and looked it over... again and now...you are ready to publish! Now what do you do?

Two things needed to be added to your article. A how to publish statement that is added just before your article and your resource box or bio added at the end of your article.

Here is an example of a how to publish statement:

"Please feel free to publish this article on your web site and/or in your e-book or newsletters with the authors resource box included and without any changes to the article. (Add your contact e-mail) "

If you would like to be notified if they are using your article, add "A complimentary copy of your ezine or notification you are using this article would be appreciated. "



At the end of your article is your resource box or bio. This is a powerful marketing tool within itself. Here you want to give your readers valuable information about your web site, yourself and-or your services.

An example using my resource box or bio can be seen at the end of this article.



Next, begin submitting your article to article submission sites.

These sites are specifically for articles and are where ezine publishers and web masters go for free content for the ezines and web sites.

Below are a few sites to get you started. The first few Article Submission Sites are Yahoogroups. You have to be a member of the group and each group will have a subscribe address. Joining and submitting is very easy.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/article_announce
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/aabusiness
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/free-content


A search on Yahoogroups for article submission sites specific to targeting the types of reader you are
seeking will generate a multitude of sites to submit to.

The next few groups are specific online sites for submission. Once you are on their site, there are directions for submitting your article. Again submission
is very easy.

http://www.ideamarketers.com
http://www.articlestop.com
http://www.marketing-seek.com



Join a free autoresponder and place your article on "autopilot"
to be available 24-7 when someone would like to use your article.

Place your article on your web site or create a page for listing your articles that are available by autoresponder. You will also want to create a 2nd autoresponder notice, a Thank You letter for using your article.

As you begin to write more and more articles and have more autoresponder addresses, create a list of your articles and make your list available by autoresponder also.

Using your articles on autoresponder is a simple, yet powerful way to receive free publicity 24 hours a day, 7 days a week!

Begin your article submit list.
As publishers and web masters notify you they are using your article, add their e-mail address to your list of names of people who have published your article. Remember to send a thank you note to each person who send you notice they are using your article. This builds great PR.

When you write your next article, send a copy for their consideration to be used in another issue. This is a win-win situation. The publisher doesn't have to go "looking" for a quality article to publish, yours is already there, and you have another article published!

I get just as excited today when someone notifies me they are using my article as I did when I first started writing! To see an article you have written in print on someone else's site or in their ezine is an awesome experience! That is a very high honor and compliment! I love it!



Now go ahead, you've checked it, tweaked it and checked it again. It's ready! Submit that article because....You've Written An Article and now you know exactly What To Do!


Livvie Matthews, Freelance Writer Services
Brochures, Web Site Content, Newsletters
Americanized Content and more. Visit
http://www.WriteBusiness.net
mailto:livvie@writebusiness.net

`

 
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Passive Voice

What this handout is about...

This handout will help you understand what the passive voice is, why many professors and writing instructors frown upon it, and how you can revise your paper, using simple strategies, to achieve greater clarity. Some things here may surprise you. In any case, we hope this handout will help you to understand the passive voice and allow you to make more informed choices as you write.

Myths

So what is the passive voice? First, let's clear up what the passive voice isn't. Below, we'll list some common myths about the passive voice:

1. Use of the passive voice constitutes a grammatical error.

Use of the passive voice is not a grammatical error. It's a stylistic issue that pertains to clarity--that is, there are times when your use of the passive prevents a reader from understanding what you mean.

2. Any use of "to be" (in any form) constitutes the passive voice.

The passive voice entails more than just using a being verb. Using "to be" can weaken the impact of your writing, but it is occasionally necessary and does not constitute the passive voice by itself.

3. The passive voice always avoids the first person; if something's in first person
("I" or "we") it's also in the active voice.

On the contrary, you can very easily use the passive voice in the first person:
"I was hit by the dodgeball."

4. You should never use the passive voice.

While the passive voice can weaken the clarity of your writing, there are times when the passive voice is OK and even preferable.

5. I can rely on my grammar checker to catch the passive voice.

See Myth #1. Since the passive voice isn't a grammar error, it's not always caught. Typically, grammar checkers catch only a fraction of passive voice usage.

Do any of these misunderstandings sound familiar? If so, you're not alone. So we wrote this handout. It discusses how to recognize the passive voice, when you should avoid it,
 and when it's OK.

 

Defining the passive voice

A passive construction occurs when you make the object of an action into the subject of a sentence. That is, the one performing the action is not the grammatical subject of the sentence. To rephrase a familiar joke:

Why was the road crossed by the chicken?

The chicken is the actor in this sentence, but the road is the grammatical subject. The more familiar phrasing places the actor as the subject--a subject doing something: A chicken (actor/doer) crossing the road (object). We use active verbs to represent that "doing," whether it be crossing roads, proposing ideas, arguing arguments, or invading houses (more on that shortly). Passive constructions are easy to spot; look for a form of "to be" (is, are, am , was, were, has been, have been, had been, will be, will have been, being) followed by a past participle. (The past participle is a form of the verb often, but not always, ending in "-ed." Some exceptions to the "-ed" rule are words like "paid" and "driven.") Here's a sure-fire formula for identifying the passive voice:

form of "to be" + past participle = passive voice

For example:

The metropolis has been scorched by the dragon's fiery breath.

When her house was invaded, Penelope had to think of ways to delay her remarriage.

**NOTE: the passive voice is marked by a form of "to be" + the past participle--not a form of "have" alone + the past participle, as some students believe. So don't let the combination of "have" and "to be" fool you. In the next section, we discuss why you often want to avoid using the passive voice, but let's briefly look at how to change passive constructions into active ones. You can usually just switch the order, making the actor and subject one--putting the doer up front:

The dragon scorched the metropolis with his fiery breath.

After suitors invaded Penelope's house, she had to think of ways to fend them off.

To repeat, the key to identifying the passive voice is to look for both a form of "to be" and a past participle, which usually, but not always, ends in "-ed."

 

Clarity and Meaning

The primary reason why your instructors frown on the passive voice is that they often have to guess what you mean. Sometimes, the confusion is minor. Let's look again at that sentence from a student's paper on Homer's The Odyssey:

When her house was invaded, Penelope had to think of ways to delay her remarriage.

Like many passive constructions, this sentence lacks explicit reference to the actor--it doesn't tell the reader who or what invaded. The active voice clarifies:

After suitors invaded Penelope's house, she had to think of ways to fend them off.

Thus many instructors--the readers making sense of your writing--prefer that you use the active voice, that you specify who or what is doing the action. Compare the following two examples from an anthropology paper on a Laotian village to see if you agree.

(passive) A new [drug] control system was set up. (By whom?)
(active) The Lao People's Revolutionary Party gradually set up a system of drug control laws.

Here's another example, from the same paper, that illustrates the lack of precision that can accompany the passive voice:

Gender training was conducted in six villages, thus affecting social relationships.

And a few pages later:

Plus, marketing links were being established.

In both paragraphs, the writer never specifies the actors of those two actions (Who did the gender training? Who established marketing links?). Thus the reader has trouble appreciating the dynamics of these social interactions, which depend upon the actors conducting and establishing these things.

The following example, once again from that paper on The Odyssey, typifies another instance where an instructor might desire more precision and clarity:

Although Penelope shares heroic characteristics with her husband, Odysseus, she
is not considered a hero.

Who does not consider her a hero? It's difficult to tell, but the rest of that paragraph suggests that the student does not consider Penelope a hero (the topic of the paper). The reader might also think the student refers to critics or scholars. One might argue that the meaning comes through here--the problem is merely stylistic. Yet style affects how your reader understands your argument and content. Awkward or unclear style prevents your reader from appreciating the ideas that are so clear to you when you write. Thus knowing how your reader might react enables you to make more effective choices when you revise. So after you identify instances of the passive ("to be" + the past participle), you should consider if your use of the passive inhibits clear understanding of what you mean. 

 

Summarizing history or literary plots with the passive voice: Don't be a lazy thinker or writer!

With the previous section in mind, you should also know that some instructors proclaim that the passive voice signals sloppy, lazy thinking--that those who use it have not thought through a process they are discussing. Imprecision follows. Consider these sentences from papers on American history:

The working class was marginalized.
African Americans were discriminated against.
Women were not treated as equals.

Such sentences lack the precision and connection to context and causes that mark rigorous thinking. The reader learns little about the systems, conditions, human decisions and contradictions that led each of those groups to experience their histories. And so the reader--your instructor--questions your understanding of these things. You particularly want to think twice about using passive constructions in thesis statements for these reasons. Strong theses and strong writing in general mark a writer who indicates the relationships between not only larger processes like these three above but also minor actions, such as those of Penelope's storming suitors.

In papers where you discuss an author's work--e.g., historians or literary authors--you can also strengthen your writing by not relying on the passive as a crutch to summarize plots or arguments. Instead of writing

It is argued that…
or Tom and Huck are portrayed as…
or And then the link between X and Y is made, showing that…

you can heighten the level of your analysis by explicitly connecting an author with these statements.

Anderson argues that…
Twain portrays Tom and Huck as…
Ishiguro draws a link between X and Y to show that…

Thus by avoiding passive constructions in these situations you can demonstrate a more thorough understanding of the material you discuss. You can show that you're not a lazy, sloppy thinker.

 

Scientific Writing

That advice goes well for papers in the humanities, you note, but what about technical or scientific papers, including lab reports? Many instructors require if not recommend the passive voice in such writing. The rationale for using the passive is that it achieves "an objective tone"--for example, by avoiding the first person. To consider scientific writing, let's break it up into two main types: lab reports and writing about a scientific topic or literature

Lab Reports

Although more and more scientific journals accept first-person active voice (e.g., "then we sequenced the human genome"), many of your instructors want you to remove yourself from your lab report by using the passive voice (e.g., "then the human genome was sequenced"). Such advice particularly applies to the section on Methods and Materials, where a procedure "is followed." (For a fuller discussion on writing lab reports, see our handout on Writing Lab Reports.)

While you might employ the passive voice to retain objectivity, you can still use active constructions in some instances and retain your objective stance. Thus it's useful to keep in mind the sort of active verbs you might use in lab reports. Examples include: supported, indicated, suggested, corresponded, challenged, yielded, showed.

Thus instead of writing
A number of things are indicated by these results.

you could write
These results indicate a number of things.
or Further analysis showed/suggested/yielded…

Ultimately, you should find out your instructor's preference regarding your use of the passive in lab reports.

Writing about Scientific Topics or Literature

Other assignments relate not to your own scientific work but to that of others--such as literature reviews and research on scientific topics. Two main issues arise here: Reporting what other people have specifically done (e.g., research or experiments) or indicating general scientific knowledge (e.g., the body of knowledge coming out of others' research). Often the two go together. In both instances, you can easily use active constructions even though you might be tempted by the passive--especially if you're used to writing your own lab reports in the passive.

You decide: Which of these two examples represents clearer style?

Heart disease is considered the leading cause of death in the United States. (passive)
or Research points to heart disease as the leading cause of death in the United States.

Alternatively, you could write this sentence with human actors:

Researchers have concluded that heart disease is the leading caue of death in the United States.

The last two sentences illustrate a relationship that the first one lacks. The first example does not illustrate the "who" or "what" that leads us to accept this conclusion about heart disease.

Here's one last example from a report that describes angioplasty. Which sounds better?

The balloon is positioned in an area of blockage and is inflated.
or The surgeon positions the balloon in an area of blockage and inflates it.

The point is that you can improve your scientific writing by relying less on the passive. The advice for papers on history or literature equally applies to papers in more "scientific" courses. Just as for writing in the humanities, use of the passive may convey to your reader a sense of uncertainty and imprecision regarding your writing and thinking. The key is to know when your instructor wants you to use the passive voice. For a more general discussion of writing in the sciences, see our handout.

  

"Swindles and Perversions"

Before we discuss a few instances when one might actually prefer the passive, we should mention one of the more political uses of the passive: to hide blame or obscure responsibility. You wouldn't do this, but you can learn how to become a critic of those who exhibit what George Orwell included among the "swindles and perversions" of writing--vaguely couching one's culpability in the passive voice. For example:

Mistakes were made.

The Exxon Company accepts that a few gallons might have been spilled.

By becoming critically aware of how others use language to shape clarity and meaning you can learn how better to revise your own work. Keep Orwell's swindles and perversions in mind as you read other writers, since some people use the passive to avoid responsibility when they know who's responsible for the action.

 

So when is it OK to use the passive?

Sometimes it's better to use the passive. Indeed, many style "gurus" would argue that good style depends on variety; thus why shouldn't that apply to the active and passive voices? We agree--but note that variety itself is not the issue. You should be deliberate when choosing between the active and passive. We highlight a few instances when the passive voice is quite useful:

1. To emphasize an object.

X number of votes are required to pass the bill.

2. To de-emphasize an unknown subject/actor.

Over 120 different contaminants have been dumped into the river.

If you don't know who the actor is, then the passive makes more sense. But remember, if you do know the actor, and if the clarity and meaning of your writing would benefit from indicating him/her/it/them, then use an active construction. Yet consider the third case.

3. If your readers don't need to know who's responsible for the action.

Here's where your choice can be difficult; some instances are less clear than others. Try to put yourself in your reader's position to anticipate how they will react to the way you have phrased your thoughts.

  

Summary of Strategies

Identify

  • Look for the passive voice: "to be" + a past participle (usually, but not always, ending in "-ed")
  • If you don't see both components, move on.

Evaluate

  • Is the doer/actor indicated? Should you indicate him/her/it?
  • Does it really matter who's responsible for the action?
  • Would your reader ask you to clarify a sentence because of an issue related to
    your use of the passive?
  • Do you use a passive construction in your thesis statement?
  • Do you use the passive as a crutch in summarizing a plot or history, in describing something?
  • Do you want to emphasize the object?

Revise

  • Switch the sentence around to make the subject and actor one:
  •  Put the doer in front of the verb.

  

Towards active thinking and writing

We encourage you to keep these tips in mind as you revise. While you may be able to employ this advice as you write your first draft, that's not necessarily always possible. As for most writing, clarity comes when you revise, not on your first try. Don't stress about the passive if that stress inhibits you in getting your ideas down. But do look for it when you revise. Actively make choices about its proper place in your writing. Prioritize your use of the passive when you revise: Which instances hide actors or otherwise prevent your reader from understanding the relationships you discuss? There is nothing grammatically or otherwise "wrong" about using the passive voice. The key is to recognize when you should, when you shouldn't, and when your instructor just doesn't want you to. These choices are yours. We hope this handout helps you to make them.

 

For further reading on the passive voice and how to strengthen your verbs

Anson, Chris M. and Robert A. Schwegler. The Longman Handbook for Writers and Readers. Second edition. (2000). Pages 118-120; 270-272; 262-64; 369-71; 448.

Baron, Dennis. "The Passive Voice can be your friend," Declining Grammar and Other Essays On the English Vocabulary (Urbana: NCTE, 1989), pp. 17-22.

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